Am I Special Too? Growing up with a sibling with special needs. By Erika Thomas, LMFT

I'd like to preface this by saying I believe one of the greatest gifts a child can receive is to grow up with a sibling who has special needs. Children with this gift have the opportunity to develop patience, compassion, appreciation for small victories, joy, acceptance, laughter, a lens of the world that is not so narrow and the list goes on. They also get to call some of the most amazing people on the planet "sister" or "brother".

In addition to all the blessings, in many cases, having a sibling with special needs brings about special challenges.

Years ago I worked with an incredible boy who we will call Evan. Evan was diagnosed with autism and had some pretty severe behavioral challenges. I worked with Evan at his home several days a week for several hours a day. There were other behavior therapists on the case as well, so whenever Evan was at home and awake he had a buddy with him.

Evan had an adorable brother we will call Max. Max adored his brother but had to be careful because sometimes his brother was physically aggressive toward him. Sometimes Evan would break Max's toys and sometimes Max's friends would be afraid of Evan and end play dates early. When Max's family went to birthday parties, or the beach, or to amusement parks they would often have to leave early if Evan was having a hard time... Even if Max was still having fun. At home, Max would want to play with Evan's helpers too, but he pretty much just had to stay out of the way.

I know a lot of parents who do an incredible job ensuring each child feels equally loved and equally special. In spite of their best efforts, however, in my work with families over the past 15 years I have also seen children:

• Act out as an attempt to balance parental attention they may feel is unevenly distributed. 
• They may develop anxiety in response to unpredictability and lack of control.
• They may experience resentment, or low self esteem as the family is structured around the needs of the other child. 
• They may become hyper vigilant in an attempt to become the perfect child - taking care of what they perceive to be their parent's needs. 
• These individuals could grow up believing that their needs are secondary to the needs of others which can lead to very unhealthy and dangerous relationship patterns.

Individual and group therapy are great resources for siblings of children with special needs. In these settings they have the opportunity to confront the emotions beneath their challenging behaviors, develop a healthier sense of self and others, challenge distorted cognitions with healthier ones, feel heard, and connect with others who are on journeys similar to their own.

As a therapist, I find it an honor to create this space. And just simply as me, I have a very special place in my heart for these special siblings.

If you would like to contact Erika, you may call her at 619-272-6858 x701 or email her at erika@anxietytraumatherapy.com

Gaming/Internet Addiction...Can it Change My Teenager's Brain? by Jonathan Steele, MFTI

So let’s say, hypothetically, your teen won’t leave the game NBA 2K16 for a whole weekend.  I mean it’s almost 48 hours straight, with bathroom breaks only.  If he was hooked up to an IV and a catheter, he probably wouldn’t leave at all!  You might find yourself asking how can one person spend so many hours on one activity?  And then it jumps to concern, and “what effect is this having”?  What about his brain, I mean, maybe it doesn’t do anything at all, but what if it does?

Overall, science is still figuring out the long-term effects of playing massive amounts of video games.  Internet/Gaming addiction is not officially listed as a disorder, but evidence is mounting.  If you’ve ever had to pull your teen away from Halo 5, a complete meltdown happens!  We do know this, addictions change the brain and Internet/Gaming is rapidly moving into that arena.

We’ll go through a quick summary of addiction brain change.  Addictions affect the “pleasure pathways” or “reward center” of the brain. This part of the brain is full of dopamine, a hormone, which gets released every time we feel pleasure or accomplishment.  It’s like when we finish a house project on our list, you know what I mean, clearing the back bank full of six-foot weeds, we feel a sense of success.  At this point, dopamine is released at a normal amount and the brain feels “happy”.  We know addictions release massive amounts of dopamine, well above normal levels, which changes the tolerance level of the brain.  So, to get back to normal levels of dopamine, withdrawal is created because the brain thinks it’s missing dopamine, when in reality, it’s not.

The danger comes when you couple the addiction brain change with “the pull” of video games.  Remember that first question, “How does one person spend so many hours on one activity?”, well here’s why.  Maybe you’ve been trying to move up another level in Boom Beach and you’re struggling, but somehow you keep coming back. Why don’t you give up and move on?  It’s because we keep telling ourselves, “next time”!  Imagine a slot machine, there’s a huge attraction to the fact that I can maybe, even though the odds are completely against me, win the big money on the next pull.  Video games have this same reinforcement reward.  It’s going to be the next base I take out, while building my fortress, that will take me to the next level in Boom Beach!  

Let’s rehash. Your teen is playing League of Legends, which has been professionally designed with “the pull”.  Combining that with the dopamine change addiction can cause, there is a strong possibility your teen’s brain has changed.

Where does this change happen in the brain?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  The prefrontal cortex, located right there in the forehead, is the most likely place for brain change because that’s where the dopamine floods.  The prefrontal cortex is in charge of judgment, decision-making, and impulse control.  That’s right, all the things you might need to tell yourself to stop during the 48-hour marathon.  Add this effect into the mix of possible brain change, and I believe we’ve come up with a pretty dangerous combination.

If you find yourself concerned about this information, there are options.  First, I would talk to your teen about these possible effects.  Opening a line of communication can be very helpful for current and future conversations.  If you or your teen thinks Internet/Gaming addiction might be a problem, its important to seek support.

If you are seeking support or have questions, feel free to contact, Jon Steele, by phone (619) 272-6858 ext. 709 or email at jonathan@anxietytraumatherapy.com.