Therapeutic Center for Anxiety and Trauma

Therapeutic Center for Anxiety and Trauma

Individual and Family Therapy

Now with 2 locations to serve you in San Diego county; Banker’s Hill and Escondido

Sometimes life throws us a curve-ball that we just didn't expect. Whatever the curve-ball is, either large or small, it is common to cause anxiety, even if it is something exciting. If your curve-ball is something that isn't so exciting, maybe you feel traumatized. This can happen for any situation that causes disruption to your daily routine, your thinking and ultimately your ability to function at your full potential. Whatever your anxiety or trauma is about, we can help! We are a team of therapists that work extensively with anxiety provoking issues. These could be about relationships, life events, or any negative experience that is holding you back. If you are struggling with moving past a traumatic incident, or finding it difficult to overcome anxiety of any sort, please contact us. We will have one of our experienced therapists contact you as soon as possible. We look forward to hearing from you!

Navigating A World That Tells You Who You “Should” Be, By Sydney Schulz, AMFT

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

When we are born, we come into the world not understanding much of anything, except to cry when we need to get one of our needs met. Fortunately, our caregivers, others around us, and society teach us everything we need to know to function on this planet. As we grow, we experience conditioning, being rewarded for certain behaviors over others, and socialization, interpreting societal norms and expectations. This process is helpful in many ways, such as learning that it's not acceptable to hit others and that it's expected for us to put on clothes before we go outside. However, conditioning and socialization also leave us susceptible to taking on many thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that do not serve us, and in many ways limit us from being our true selves. Holding on to many false narratives about who we “should” be or what we “shouldn’t” do, can cause a lot of stress and dissatisfaction in our lives, even contributing to experiences of depression and anxiety. Often times we might not even recognize that these limiting beliefs exist or, the extent to which they negatively impact us, because they are functioning from a level that we are not fully aware, our subconscious. You may also have some awareness of your negative thoughts or beliefs but have not been able to break their hold on you for the very fact that you still, to some extent, believe in them. It is not enough to only understand our negative thought patterns, but we must start believing something different about our lives and ourselves, and behaving accordingly, in order to create real change. 

Transformation occurs when we begin to question everything. This process can be scary and disorienting. Questioning our beliefs, the stories we’ve told ourselves about our lives, and maybe even our identity is no easy task. This doesn’t mean everything we were taught or believe in is wrong, but we have to be able to take it off, look at it objectively and examine if it is true for us, before we decide to put it back on again. When we do recognize beliefs that are limiting and unhealthy for us, we must replace it with a new belief that serves our true selves, such as “I am worthy of being loved”, or “I am allowed to make choices that are right for me, even if I disappoint others.” Once we begin to replace our old beliefs we must also begin behaving in a way that is congruent and supports our higher beliefs about ourselves. For example, you no longer settle for romantic partners who treat you poorly, or you begin to pursue the career field you are interested in, even if it is not what your parents want you to do. 

In a world that is constantly bombarding us with messages about who we need to be or to do in order to be “worthy”, “successful”, “liked”, etc., it is important to interrupt those discourses and define our own values and beliefs that give us the freedom to be ourselves. It is extremely valuable to do this work with the support of a therapist, particularly when you are feeling stuck, stressed, or dissatisfied with your life. Making the decision to work on yourself, to deconstruct your beliefs, and to change your behavior patterns, is an undertaking of great effort and time but the payoff is an invaluable reward.

The author Sydney Schulz, AMFT, is currently accepting new clients and may be contacted by calling 619-272-6858 x716 or emailing sydney@anxietytraumatherapy.com

 

Self-Care is for Every Day, by Kayla Walker, LMFT

"Self-care is not selfish.
You cannot serve from an empty vessel." - Eleanor Brownn

I have a confession to make: I struggle with self-care. It’s ironic really, since the importance of self-care is one of the first things I usually talk with my clients about. I even use the “fuel in the car” metaphor: you know, “Life is like a road trip, and you (your body, your life) are the car. You can’t keep going without fuel. Self care is the fuel. You have to regularly refuel yourself to keep going in life.”

And all of that is true, of course. I know it, and I believe it — truly, I do. It’s just that with so many things on my plate, juggling multiple roles and responsibilities throughout the day, carving out time to focus on myself just seems so...minor, tedious and relatively unimportant, yet somehow overwhelming at the same time. You see, at the end of a long day of managing toddler meltdowns, potty training, nursing, laundry, making multiple meals (for the toddler), and trying to stay on top of work emails, all I really want to do is tune out and turn off. I’ll just binge watch Friends and pass out on the couch, thank you very much.

Most of us are aware that chronic stress can have negative long-term effects on our health. While it’s easy to point to high-pressure, high-stress situations as the source of chronic stress; far more often, chronic stress stems from lots of smaller stressors built up over a longer period of time. These smaller stressors may fly under the radar as simple day-to-day problems, but the physiological responses they produce are the same as in any high-stress situation: blood pressure increases, breathing becomes more rapid, digestive system shuts down, and our bodies get boosts of adrenaline that keep us alert and ready to respond to whatever comes our way. These fight-or-flight responses are designed to help us deal with short bursts of high stress, but living in this fight-or-flight mode day after day can do lasting harm to your body and your mind. Self-care is critical to helping us manage everyday stressors and preventing the build up of chronic stress.

But the thing is, my Friends-induced couch coma isn't really self-care; its numbing. Numbing is about avoidance; it feels great to turn off the exhaustion and tune out the mind racing over the million things I need to do tomorrow. It even feels like self-care sometimes, because it stops the flood of stress I feel after a hectic day. But it’s not self-care because it’s not refueling. Binge-watching Netflix and passing out on the couch doesn’t help me feel like myself again. It doesn’t inspire me or energize me or help me burn off excess stress hormones. It may numb the stress I’ve felt all day, but it also numbs any positive feelings I may have been able to reflect on or enjoy at the end of the day. It doesn’t really relieve the stress; it just sets it aside to be picked up again tomorrow. And that stress that gets set aside and picked up again and again day after day begins to build into a powder keg of stress and pressure ready to explode. And then, (if I may use the car metaphor again), your car isn’t just out of fuel. It’s on fire. Its important to find activities that actually re-energize you, restore you, or allow you to burn off the stress of the day, rather than just numb it out.

Two things that regularly come up when I talk to clients about self care are:

1) The last thing I need is to add one more thing to my day.
2) What if I don’t know what relaxes or refuels me?

Honestly, these two things are my biggest challenges as well. But the good news is that self-care doesn’t have to be some elaborate plan, and it doesn’t have to take much effort. It starts with identifying activities that refuel you, that help you feel relaxed or soothed or give you energy or life. True self care can be as simple as listening to music you enjoy or wearing your favorite comfy socks or sweater. You don’t have to diffuse the perfect essential oil blend (unless you’re into that sort of thing); any scented candle you enjoy can be relaxing. And going for a brisk walk outside can be just as stress-relieving as a full-on gym workout. The point is to keep it simple, keep it do-able, so you’re more likely to actually do it. Just start with a simple activity that seems do-able and try it for a week. If, at the end of the week, you don’t feel better, try something else. Keep trying new things each week until you find something that works for you.

So, in this new year I’m making a renewed commitment to self-care. Won’t you join me? This week, I’ll be dancing to 80s music in my living room. What will you choose?

Need help finding a self care activity? Here are some more ideas:

  • Go out in the sun and notice its warmth on your skin.

  • Take a warm bath.

  • Cuddle with a pet.

  • Sit outside and listen to nature.

  • Go for a hike.

  • Visit a museum or tourist attraction.

  • Try a new restaurant.

  • Make art.

  • Do a craft project.

  • Go for a drive.

  • Work on a puzzle.

  • Meditate.

  • Pray.

  • Read poetry.

  • List things for which you are grateful.

  • Journal your feelings.

  • Allow yourself to cry.

  • Do something that makes you laugh.

  • Try yoga.

  • Dance around your living room.

  • Stretch.

  • Take a nap

  • Call or hang out with a friend.

  • Join a support group.

  • See a therapist. 

The author, Kayla Walker, is currently accepting new clients in our Banker's Hill location and can
be reached by calling 619-272-6858 x708 or emailing kayla@anxietytraumatherapy.com